Slippery Rock Gazette

Jodi Wallace

Monarch Designs

Several months ago I found the handkerchief my daughter gave to my husband before her wedding last year. On it was a note: “Dad, of all the walks we have taken together, this is my favorite. I love you, Kodee” and the date. It was sweet and loving and brought tears to his eyes.

When I came across the  beautiful card she had written him to accompany the handkerchief, I knew I didn’t want things to be put in a drawer and forgotten. I scouted around, located the “Father of The Bride” cuff links, and knew I had the perfect start for a very special gift. Depending on how deep my “ignorance is bliss” idea for a shadow box was, and how long it would take me to figure out how to match my vision to reality, it would be perfect for a Father’s Day gift, or in the worst case, Ken’s birthday, which falls several weeks later in July.

I found several of my favorite pictures from the wedding: the smile and giggle as they started walking down the aisle; the proud look on his face of walking his beautiful daughter; the sweet look during the father-daughter dance. I then looked around for the same number of pictures of just the two of them from when she was little. This was a little more difficult since we also have a son, so pictures usually are of both he and the kids together.  

Eventually I located several pictures that fit my criteria. I made copies and went shopping for a shadow box large enough to fit everything I wanted to include. When I got home and looked at the 36˝ X 24˝ box I wondered if I had lost my mind!

Although I think this would be a nice gift for any dad, the thing that will make this special for my husband is that he is my daughter’s stepfather and he, not my ex-husband, was the one to walk her down the aisle.

As with many children of divorced parents, there were many ups and downs in my daughter’s life. Her emotions were sometimes torn between her loyalty to her “Daddy” whom she loved desperately but whose life was continuously spiraling out of control, and her “Dad” who was the ever present, steadfast and calm element in her sometime stormy emotional life. When my husband and I first started seeing each other I made it clear my daughter and I were a package deal and she would always be my first priority.

This was was non-negotiable! He didn’t even blink an eye as he said he totally understood. When I told him that package also included my ex-husband because he was my daughter’s father, that did not faze him either.

When we decided a couple years later to add to our family I made it very clear that if we did this, there would be no favoritism, no she was “mine” and the baby was “ours.” He didn’t even pause to consider as he readily agreed.  Over the years, my daughter found a balance and peace on how to differentiate between the two men in her life – my ex was “Daddy,” my husband “Dad.” Stepfather was never a word used in our home or family.  

When I remarried I kept my previously married name. Although many people disapproved, I am not one to care what others think. My daughter carried my ex-husband’s name and my son my husband’s. I didn’t want my daughter to feel like a third wheel. 

Then there came a particularly hard year with her Daddy. The emotional impact on both my daughter and our family was huge.  So, when she was 14 years, old she asked my husband if he would adopt her. To this day, it is one of his most precious memories. 

To not be disrespectful to her Daddy she hyphenated her name but within a couple years as things digressed she stopped using his name completely. 

My husband never mentioned it but I knew how much it meant to him. On our anniversary following her adoption, my card to him contained my new driver’s license with my new name. We were now a family united by love, if not by blood.

The relationship between my daughter and my ex continued to worsen when my ex-husband remarried and his new stepchildren and grandson became priority over any time spent with his daughter. Several years passed, and then my daughter was in a life-altering car accident. 

I was in shock and shaking as my son and I drove 5 ½ hours down to Southern California. The CHP officer who was first on scene called a few days after her accident to check on her. Although we knew how lucky we were, when I thanked the officer for calling and asked if he did this for everyone, he told me no, but he could count on one hand how many people he had seen walk away from an accident like hers.  I silently counted my blessings, as our life could have ended up profoundly different.

The night of the accident I called my ex-husband. I calmly told him what happened and informed him he had one chance to get his act together and work things out with our daughter. Because if he didn’t, I guaranteed she was done with him once and for all.

He showed up that night at the hospital. He realized how close we had come to losing her, and promised things would be different from that day forward. It took her a long time to rebuild the trust between them, but to his credit, almost five years later, he has stuck to his word.

One of things that I knew weighed heavily on my daughter’s mind as she planned her wedding was who would walk her down the aisle. Her Daddy had become re-engaged in her life and the younger part of her still felt that same loyalty. But the grown-up and mature side of her knew who had raised her. She knew who had been there through the good and bad. No matter what, he never faltered in HIS loyalty to her. 

After much soul searching my daughter told me she was going to ask my husband to walk her down the aisle. I told her the decision was totally hers to make, but I knew it would mean a lot to him. Inside I secretly smiled. 

…

Several months later she asked my husband and it took her several more months to gather her courage to tell my ex-husband. Although disappointed he never said anything. As he had told me many times, he knew my husband was always there for her emotionally, physically, and supporting her financially. She had become the person she was today in large part because of my husband and the stability he had provided.

For the wedding reception my daughter gave both her Dad and her Daddy the opportunity for a Father of The Bride speech. My ex-husband’s speech was short, heartfelt and sweet. He thanked my husband for being his friend and for everything he had done for both he and “their” daughter over the years. It was totally unexpected and moving. I don’t think there was a dry eye in the house. My husband wiped his eyes as he told everyone, wow, now that was a tough act to follow!

Owning a business together has not been as easy as we naively thought it would when we decided to take this leap. We do things very differently and there have been times we have been at serious odds with each other. But when I returned from visiting my daughter and new grandson last week and saw the beautiful, grounded and happy woman she has grown into, I realized that although our business is important, the truly important things in life we have already accomplished, and accomplished together. And regardless that she was not “born” his, she is his daughter in every aspect of life that truly matters.

So, thank you to all the hard-working stone industry dads out there, for all you do.

Jodi Wallace is co-owner of Monarch Solid Surface Designs in San Jose, California. She may be reached at monarchssdesigns@aol.com.